avakesh

Pray like a servant, also like a slave...

Beloved God, my Teacher and my Friend

You pull me up and please hold me there

Uplift my thoughts and my imperfect leaps

My falls I know and them to  you I bare. 

 

Forgive missteps, I made them all for You

In my exuberance I leaped before I could

It was in Love, even my weakness, it was true

So darkness flee and merit may accrue

 

I wasn't without fault, I did abandon You

Despair engulfed me and I fled Your Face

But always I returned, I always followed through

It was me I betrayed, not You

 

To YOU I come in dread and mostly  love

Ashamed, in darkness and with heart enflamed 

For double YOU made me, a bear and dove

A speck of gold in carbon  rock inlaid.

 

My King, your servant pines for You

Like son, not servant, also like a slave.

Forgive and tell me that my love is true

What I fear most is that it be depraved. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Song at Dawn, from the circle of Ramban

Song at Dawn

by Meshullam da Piera (? - 1261?) Timeline English version by T. Carmi Original Language Hebrew

13th Century

When they sang together,
when my morning stars sang
     as the night was ending
     and light came up from all sides;

when the night was ending,
     the darkness expelled,
     and my sun rose in the East;
when my thoughts shook off slumber
     and my limbs woke from their sleep of night --
then I sought to greet the dawn with music
     and to worship the morning with song.

In my hands I held the lyre and the pipe,

     and my left hand moved skillfully over the strings.
I tied the timbrel and the flute to my side
     and adjusted their loops,
     now tightening, now loosening them.

Then I began to sing and improvise,
     to see if my instruments would answer my words,
     to see if they would comfort me in my wandering,
     in this land of exile which is my home.

But though I sang, my flute did not answer,
     and even the birds did not raise their voices in mirth.

O masters of mysteries,
     have you ever known a musical instrument
     that would not strike up when I sing --
     and the birds voiceless among the branches, the swallows songless in my house?

Yet I wish them well,
     for with their silence
     they counsel me to hide my works,
     to hide my words from men,
     to conceal my secrets from all men
     with even greater care.

 

 

A High School Valedictorian egotistically related, by Chaim Gershon

 

 

Life is a deck of cards.

One wields a spade,

Hunting for hearts and digging for diamonds

But usually getting dealt of the head with a club.

One folds and fans cards in a hand.

Keeping a straight face and praying for a royal flush,

But poker eyes burst any bluff.

The pot chimes the end of the hand.

A last coin clings as He calls.

But life is never dealt in pairs.

Has the Dealer cheated and won it all?

Only if it is forgotten that each player's own card

Is one of a kind and beats all.

 

But now that the student has truly graduated to first grade,

Even Solitaire is deleted from each computer.

The Mishna [1] does not accept as witnesses those that gamble.

The Kedushas Levi [2] says do not play with these cards of Klipah.

Cards are not a paradigm for Avodas HaShem.

Life is not a game of chance.

 

1. Mishna Rosh HaShanah 1:8

2. brought down in Lechem HaPanim to Kitzur Shulchan Aruch Channukah 139:12 from Kedushas Levi-Channukah

Blessings of Age

Old age slowly creeps in with faltering steps

Slowly stealing away my endurance and strength

Time is a Thief, and it stockinged feet

Faintly putter away at the foot of my bed.

 

I do not realy mind for it greets me with Wit

And brings wisdom along.

Years grant patience to wait.

And to nap while I sit.

 

I am glad where I am and where I will soon be

For the tempests died down and the stillness is firm

And in quiet is G-d and His Name is supreme.

 

Fleeting things being gone in itself is a gift

That Age brings and with it

I can sense and can feel.

 

Pablo Picasso - Old Jew with a Boy  

 

Dreaming

I had a dream within a dream before the dream began

Of bright red poppies, verdant fields and blue expansive skies

Walkways of stone and fragrant steps of spice and marjoram

A vison flickered and passed on, shot by before my eyes

Humanity was streaming forth to CIty on the Hill

Bringing its flocks, its fruits, its wheat

Gold, incense, bronze and steel

 

I saw a dream within a dream,

Which means it's meant to pass

But it did not and it was gone

A dream about the past

I wakened, gazed at rising dawn

and sparks of color on the wall

and shadows moving on.

 

Come back my dream within a dream

So I can dream again

My heart beat music of this dream

Before the dream began.

In dreaming space there is no past, no future, and no pain

It will now come, already came

Before it even went

 

I am a thought within a dream

That G-d once dreamt on High

I was a light inside His beam

a thought to verify.

And now I dream His dreams and hope

To drum His beat and sing His trope

Before the dreaming stops.

 

 

 

Old Knight: Resignation

A wispy cloud across the sky,  aimlessly fluters and then melts

So many steps, so many wrongs and needless feelings and regrets 

They all are done. The time moves on and sorrows heal. There is no road,

                                                                                    where the road ends.

 

A man of years, of many days. Some have been good and many sad.

When I am gone, the sky will still, remain,  and I will not.

What did my struggles mean, when I was just

                                                                                 a thin, light cloud?

 

Wind blows around me and surrounds, this earthly body that's grown old

I welcome, welcome its embrace, and hope it lasts.

It moves my spirit which I think had once, touched Glory,

                                                                            and surpassed.

 

I've no regrets, it matters not. I passed by too and fought the wind

Heroic deeds, left men behind, a few mementoes, books and things

Some migh recall, how high I flew, and then forget

                                                                                    My deeds, my passions, and my wings

 

There was a time that I soared high, that time has gone but I remain

So grateful for another day, so very tired and fatigued

My body now betrays its King, mocks at the crown on his head, and I am

                                                                                            peeved.

 

The struggles of another day, wear out a useless tired shell

That only looks like what it was and both resembles and foretells

That very soon it too will cease. Stillness will come - so let it come

                                                                                and ring the bell.

 

Beyond the Thought there will be Light.

At least I think that it will be. To usher Glory, Truth, Delight

And I will shed this worn out cloak, and put on Armor that You wrought,

                                                                                        and win my fight

                                         

Whatever shape that it might take, but what if not?, that too is fine

I had my time. The time is up. I am in peace with man and God.

I had my battles and won some and others lost. At least,

                                                                                            I fought!

by veritas

 

Courage

 

How do you obtain that glorious stuff

That demands both wisdom and faith

Markets stalls are filled with armor and shields

But few sell chisels of Fate

 

This thing Courage is called many, many things

And partakes of a few of them

A pinch of forebearance, a dribble of fear

And spear after spear after spear.

 

A pike of intelligence, sword of hope

and curving the blade of pride

Against all advice, when they call you a fool

And say you are not all right

 

When fear attacks you in the darkness of night

And sleep not easily comes

When questions crowd out all rationales

And melody falls before drums

 

Remember, you thought it, you knew it true

United your heart and mind

And that combination will take you through

And leave shadows and whispers behind

 

By veritas

G-d's shepherd

Please give me strength when my strength is gone

When it waned and I'm weak and can't raise my head

Mine comes from Yours for I have none

I have none of my own

 

Born a Coward I was but you taught me Hope

For Faith has no limits, no limits at all

Once I pastured sheep and I now lead men

Do not let me fall.

 

I depend on You, with Your strength I am strong

Do not let me fear, may it not show

Only Your strength makes me what I have become

And let no one know.

 

*veritas

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Longing

The world is cruel, vain and false

And yet Your visage oft I glimpse

Among the cracking of its walls

And teachings spoken with my lips

My Master, I beseech of Thee

Take my desires, wants and needs

And scatter them upon the seas

Make me a vessel for Your feet

Deny me what I most abhor

And grant me that which I most fear

So that my heart may Thee adore

And what I know You then reveal

Away, temptations, gone be lies

Let Faith arise and take their place

and grow unhindered and arise

The visage of Thine face

 

*in honor of Elul, by veritas

G-d in the City

This is the first contibution from Yona. May there be more of them!

 

I am walking down 186th street.  Shabbos is coming. The breeze is strong, the hill is long. The natives run their course – this one is selling fruits, another is yelling at someone on the phone, one more is running down the street. Children are playing football on the side, old men sit outside on the steps.  Cars fly by, big building reign. The world goes round.

The words of the Rambam come to mind. “The foundation of foundations and the pillar of wisdoms is to know that there is a First existence. He brings into existence all of existence;  all that is existent from the heaven and earth, and what is between them, only exist from the truth of His existence. If you could imagine that He doesn’t exist then nothing else would be able to exist. And if you can imagine that nothing else, other than Him, exists, He alone would still exist. He would not be nullified if he were to nullify everything else. For all of existence is contingent on Him and He, blessed is He, is not contingent on them, or even one of them. Therefore His truth is not like the truth of anyone of them. This is what the prophet  says “And Hashem, G-d, is truth.” He alone is truth and there is no truth like Him. And this is what the Torah said “There is none other besides Him,” as to say, there is no other true existence other than Him.” In short, G-d is that necessary, non-contingent, self-sufficient being that is the ground of all of existence. Deeper: G-d is existence, G-d is being, G-d simply IS.

This world is a world of becoming, of movement, of transience - the World of Action. The world chases after money, pleasure, power, comfort; and sometimes the world just chases.  The world chases after non-existence. It lives and breathes within the illusions of the matrix. And in the midst of all of this, within extreme temporality, I sense the eternal. My mind wanders upwards, beyond, and I glimpse behind the curtains. I remember that this world is merely a faint projection of higher – real, true - worlds. “The Divine presence pervades all of existence,” says Rav Kook, and I find Him in the jarring experience of acutely encountering non-truth.  Non-existence shows its imaginary face and “I lift up my eyes to the mountains, from where will my help come from?”

Perhaps this explains the enigmatic institution of Mincha, the afternoon service. The Kabbalists teach that Shacharis, the morning service, is structured as a ladder. A ladder from earth to heaven and then from heaven to earth. It is an elaborate attempt to touch infinity, to stand before The Holy One. But comes Mincha, in the middle of the busy day, and we skip the preparations.  We are blindsided by holiness. Eternity laughs at us as we chase our tails. We take the hint and we jump to heaven! From our earthy, low, faint existence to the Eternal, from zero to infinity and back...all in less than fifteen minutes. It is faster than the speed of light; it is the secret of “shortening the way,” just as our forefather Jacob had experienced long ago when he was transported to the holy of holies.